Documented by the Grand Master Fernando himself, the fundamental steps required for successful
fulfilment of the time-honoured Portuguese tradition of achieving Portugasm are as follows:

Step 1: Banish plastic from your surroundings

Portugasm can only be achieved in an authentic environment of natural surfaces, devoid of synthetic materials.

Step 2: Assume the position

Comfort is central to achieving Portugasm, and so the correct seated position will allow you to be relaxed as it comes to you.

Step 3: Use the correct implements

Participants will find deeper satisfaction by augmenting their
experience with metal cutlery and ceramic plates.

Step 4: Treat your body as a temple

Only ingest freshly sourced and prepared food
to keep your body free of over-processed matter.

Step 5: Harness the sauce of enlightenment

A known aphrodisiac, PERi-PERi sauce heightens the
intensity of Portugasm and should be used liberally.

The Grand Master Fernando adds, that in Australia, the elevated state of enjoyment
and satisfaction that is Portugasm can easily by achieved by dining on authentic
Portuguese PERi-PERi chicken at your nearest Nando’s restaurant.